Sunday, 22 November 2009

My Wife's Stupid Toolkit

It's an all in one multi-tool solution more commonly known as "a knife" - the kind you and I might eat our dinner with which may explain why she always seems to make a dogs dinner of whatever task she undertakes with it.
Today she used her multi-tool to clean the dishwasher filter. I explained the component she was scratching at could be removed but she was happy jiggling her multi-tool around in there for ten minutes or so before proudly proclaiming "that's better" - than what? I resisted.
It's good for pretty much anything except removing toast and current buns which get stuck in the toaster - it doesn't stop her using it but the last time I pointed out it's a metal knife in an electric toaster she grumpily shouted "Well buy me a rubber knife then!"

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Does My Bum Look Big In This?

The famous lose-lose question no husband can ever answer correctly but on this occasion I had a get out clause.
My wife had dressed up to go out and she entered the room and asked how her outfit looked.
However she had walked into my office which was plunged in darkness so I couldn't see a thing!

My Stupid Wife's Stupid Haemorrhoid Cure

I was suffering from haemorrhoids (piles) which as anyone has suffered will tell you can be a really painful condition. I asked my wife to pick up some haemorrhoid cream and she returned home and proudly presented me with suppositories instead (medicine taken up the bum in case you are wondering).

This really should have set the alarm bells rings but my stupiDAR clearly wasn't working, probably because I was in pain, so I "took the medicine" and settled down to watch TV and some much needed pain relief.

To my consternation about half an hour later I had to run for the toilet and, because I had piles, the resulting explosion was extremely painful. This dash and splash routine continued for several hours during which time I read the packet (if only I had heeded the warnings to always read the instructions) to discover she had purchased and given me constipation tablets to take!

However unlikely this seems, I can assure you it really is a TRUE STORY!

My Wife's Stupid Way to Iron Clothes

So she was ironing a shirt and accidentally burnt her... neck!
A feat much easier to achieve because she was wearing the shirt at the time.

My Wife's Stupid Way to Eat Chips

Some people like to eat them out of paper, others prefer the more traditional knife and fork method. My wife prefers the "hands-free" approach which, typically, was the stupid choice.

The US Elections v Battlestar Galactica

So there we were sat around the kitchen table when my wife chipped into the conversation with "It was really good news about Adama wasn't it?"...
Yep, she was really talking about President Elect Obama.